MISTY VON DUTCH
Tonight we experience the 25th
anniversary of our historic
multi-faceted global fundraiser in
honor of the mayor and governor of
this incredible city of ours. As
usual the worlds 1% join us to
collectively raise funds for
causes such as teen pregnancy,
prison reform, population control
and world hunger. We encourage our
Hollywood representatives to
network with our gala guests and
to make yourselves at home in high
society giving. I'm Misty Von
Dutch and lets let the bidding
Vida & Teen Sharon
The driver obliges a then 25 year old newlywed Vida Roper as
she pulls up to a modest single family ranch style home.
Vida has a FORECLOSURE sign in hand.
Driver keep the car running. You
never know when a former owner is
in such denial of the inevitable.
Brock is going to have to demolish
the entire rear portion of this
property if he wants to flip it
for some real cash.
A vivrant yet seemingly troubled teenager affixes onto Vida
Excuse me Miss?
Ok, so after we tear apart the
rear we'll gut the inside and add,
Is there a septic tank or do we
have sewage drains alongside?
Hmm...looks like a septic tank.
Excuse me Miss?
NPR still resonates out the radio of Drivers town car while
Vida is being Vida
Excuse me Mrs. Roper!
(bickering at the
What is she talking about! The
prime rate is a steady 7% how is
this not a sellers market!! Driver
is she insane?
(now in Vida's
Actually the prime rate as of this
morning is 5.25%...the NPR hostess
said its a buyers market and that
the rates were deemed
non-predatory. Mrs Roper, my daddy
owns this house. Can I please talk
You must pay attention in class
young lady either that or you're
one nosey little bitch.
Well Mrs Roper, I...
And how the hell do you know my
Your sign. It says "Roper Realty
Corp"...so I just multiplied the
sign times the town car and it
Im sorry...who the hell are you?!
Mrs Roper, my daddy owns this
land. He built this house with his
own two hands. He worked day and
night just to make sure that his
new born baby girl had a house to
call home. This is the only house
I've ever owned. Please.
Oh you poor thing...you do know
that your father is 5 months in
Yes. It's just that he was
recently laid off
Fired right? Do you mean he was
No Mam...he was laid off. His
severence package ran out as of 2
months ago and he refuses to allow
me to work on account of school.
All we need is time to help my
father get back to work. He's out
looking for work now.
And what about you? How old are
you? Why aren't you pitching in to
help out and stay out of
I'm 15 and Like I said my father
says that my education is...
You know...when I was 16, I ran
away for 2 whole days. After the
3rd day I came back home with
$300, a new outfit and I never
once had to beg some stranger to
give my daddy a "break"?
I don't have $300 but I can get a
Word of advice girlfriend. As long
as you have that forbidden fruit
between your legs...you can't ever
cry broke. Use what you got to get
what you want.
Madolyn & Desmona
Desmona is writing a song and strumming her six string. Her
brother Derek is on his way out the door.
Hi mom. Im heading to the Pool
(gives her son the
side eye and
enters the house)
Hi honey...guess who I saw at last
nights benefit gala? Give up?
Connor Langly! He was with his
parents. Oh you remember Connor
Langly? Well you went to high
school with him? Oh he was just as
handsome as ever. Why didn't you
go to prom with him? I mean what
teenage girl decides not to go to
her senior prom just to stay home
and read a book? Do you still have
his numbr, email or twitter
Desmona slowly removes her earpieces
Hi mommy, how are you? And how was
Desmona are you serious? I was
just talking to you for the past
I'm so sorry mom. I'm writing this
new song thats really powerful and
often leaves me drifting. Wanna
Connor Langley...you know his
parents gave a generous donation
to the victims of some earthquake
in some god-foresaken country.
Desmona Langley. Hmm? You may have
to hyphenate. Desmona Bacall
Excuse me? Why are you pitching
Connor Langley to me? You do know
he's gay right? Yeah, he was
caught with plenty of boys off
campus. I guess it'd be awkward if
we marry huh?
Connor is a gayard? How does that
By loving another man, imagine.
Ouch! Ooops, I mean you know Mario
ny hair stylist is a gayard so
I...I...I mean to each his own is
what I mean.
Right mom...I got a song to finish
as much as Id love to explore your
massive homophobia I really got a
groove with this song and I feel
So the man and the other man
well...I guess....Im lost hear.
Desmona can you work your magic
and ungay, discontinue, I mean
cure...For christ sakes I once
felt that your father had the gay
but I've since transcended those
Mom! Its a lifestyle not a
disease. And they aren't gayards.
I gotta go mom. Gotta keep writing
my song. Have a goodnight.
Well then its settled. You'll get
all sexy for him and just drive
the gayness out!
Pillar & Maximillon
Pillar is reading one of Vida's jailhouse pen pal letters
which she stole at the last meeting. With every word and
syllable uttered she drifts into euphoria. Pillar pleasures
herself with light tantilizing pitter-patters on her punany.
She is paying special attention to a package on her
passenger seat next to her.
Pillar scrunches the letter, hides it in her purse and heads
inside her home with the package in tow..
INT. MAXIMILION AND PILLAR'S HOME - EVENING
Hola my big matador of a man
Maximilion is sitting in the living room watching an intense
Hi darling, how was your day? Were
you speaking Spanish? I haven't
heard you speak that in years.
Pillar opens the package and removes a red cloth and tosses
it straight into Maximilions face and over his head.
Honey, did I do something?
Okay then. I'm just watching this
Pillar gives her husband a sensual glance and goes into
Baby...can you please come here
for a moment? Oh and bring the red
Yes darling. I'm coming.
Damn near peeling himself off the couch Maximilion enters
the room with the red cloth as instructed.
Upon entering the room Maximiion hears a series of poorly
attempted bull grunts and snarls that petrify him. He's
suddenly charged and hit behind the back which sends him
flying across the room.
against the rug)
Im a raging bull
(fingers on her
head like horns)
Maximilion uses the cloth to suspend her motion as she
rushes through the now dangling red cloth.
Your my Spanish matador baby. Come
grab this bull by her horns.
Hello, this is Brock Roper talk to
me, I'm listening...yes that is
correct demolition has started and
we believe to be on schedule for a
soft opening in 3 months and our
grand opening in 6.
(Brock glances at
Get Mr. Fitzpatrick on the phone
please. Lets make his transition
as painful as possible...no mercy
ladies and gentlemen this is
business, if you want mercy then
go to church! He opted out which
means an immediate demotion and I
intend to treat him like the
sidewinder I always knew he was.
Mr. Fitzpatrick, I would
reintroduce myself but lets face
it. You and your whole family
probably knows my name. Hell your
kids may even call me the
boogieman. So this is whats going
to happen. Since you opted out of
the generous golden parachute I
produced you are now to report to
the Human Resources Department to
receive your new work assignment.
Oh and Mr. Fitzpatrick, please
only use the blue urinal cakes. We
try to keep things uniform. Oh and
happy anniversary to you and the
Brock gropes his crotch
(cocky as hell)
Next on the agenda. Is everyone in
the conference room Ellsa? Thank
you. Greetings team. I'll be
working from home for the first
half of the day but I wanted to
have a brief meeting beforehand.
First of all Mr. Lovejoy are you
replies "yes sir")
Excellent Mr. Lovejoy you are
terminated as of today, next
agenda is sales on the Apple stock
Jillian. Can we anticipate another
50% profit hike as we did 30% last
month we're trying to do better.
Thanks for your time folks and as
usual...you want to have fun then
get out of my office and go play
shuffle board. But you wanna make
money, then get out their get your
clients on the phone and move some
Vida, with the constant noise and
yelling this god-forsaken animal
house has I have no choice but to
swim in my thoughts. When I close
my eyes Vida, I can almost mask
the screams of inmate fuckery and
transcend into my memories.
I transpose the voices to
those I heard in Barcelona. Eerily
similar to the crowd at the El
I can almost taste the mist of
kiwi fruit trees hovering above
our seats. The draw was danger and
death and the appeal was magnetic.
All you can do is try to put
yourself in the boots of the
I had a 3 month affair with
Tuscani's finest bullfighter. He
was on a tour of sorts throughout
the world. As I sat in the stands
I watched as Marcello Martini, the
bravest man I had ever met stare
down the steamy brow of Tornado,
the most feared bull stud in
He looked at tornado like he
looked at me. Like I had to be
What were only seconds felt like
an eternity. In bed, he was the
raging bull and I was the auburn
cape. As he charged, I teased, I
swooped, I turned to my side. Not
far, just close enough to still
feel his lusting fury....his
manhood. I always surrendered to
his charge. I was down and he
pounced on my supple thighs until
I was dead...killed with love;
slayed with a passionate fever for
a full blooded male meat inside
I tied my legs around him to trap
his Mediterranean sperm inside me
for a son. But that date never
came. I miscarried two saturdays
later and then .... Marcello was
killed by an African Rhino on
safari in Nirobi.
I never had the resources to
confirm that story.
It very well could be I wasn't
enough woman for him, but I doubt
Maybe it was an African woman who
just loved him better that I did
and he never came back. Left me
in the Tuscan Waldorf Astoria with
an empty bed and a tear filled
I spent the next six months
entertaining barons,magnates and
mademoiselles. but I was bored.
Their presence gave but a fraction
of heart beat Marcello delivered.
You can only fight bulls for so
long. If a man is wild, you will
loose him to the world. The saying
is absolutely right I fucked with
the bull and got the horn.
JoJo is patiently sitting in the waiting room to be summoned
for an interview at a prestigous law firm. When a strikingly
handsome black man announces that she is next. They meet,
greet and walk into the interview room.
Thank you for your punctuality
Miss Macintock. Thats always a
plus in my opinion.
(gives a firm
You're welcome. I find that being
on time reflects on how much
importance the matter is to you.
Very well put. Now have a seat and
lets begin your interview.
So Miss Macintock why do you want
to work here at our law firm?
Well your firms accolades speak
for itself. The past 10 years have
been predicated on the
unprecedented grown breaking cases
Collins, Shad and Ramini have
On the desk of the interviewer is a health conscience
magazine with an array of fruits on the cover. JoJo notices
a kiwi fruit at a glance and has a brief recollection if
Sharons letter. JoJo is catapulted into a steamy daydream.
She stands up, rips open her blouse and dives over the desk
landing on the intervewers lap. She is straddling him while
feeding him kiwi fruits. He is kissing and groping her ass
while she moans with every touch. She faintly recites
Sharons story when suddenly! In the middle of their sex
explosion her interviewer says no. Stop this Miss Macintok,
Miss Macintock!! Are you with me?
You seem to have daydreamed. I was
calling your name for a few
fondling her left
breast and left
hand cuping her
Huh? I mean...where am?
JoJo gazes at the job interviewer in such a ravishing way
that he abruptly ends the session.
Ok. Well thank you for your time
Miss Macintock and we'll follow up
In a lounge / pool hall sits Derek and the enablers. The
enablers are a ragtag bunch of weed-heads and beer guzzlers
who mooch off of Dereks hospitality and exploit Dereks
stupidity. Colby makes his usual grand entrance.
voice to sound
Excuse me can I speak to the owner
of this establishment??!!
That'd me. What's up?
"Not me"? Dude,,thats not
professional at all. And why're
you not behind the bar serving
(looks around the
And why aren't your enablers
pushing a broom, barbacking for
you or out front drawing in
Man you need just chill and smoke
some of that sour diesel we just
picked up. Come on man drinks on
Nah, I'm good. But Derek, how are
you ever gonna convince your
parents that you can actually turn
a profit? I keep telling
you...spruce the place up. Lose
the name change the game.
Oh yeah...Posh-life, poof or what
was it you said?
Plush-Life ...hey its catchier
than 'Dereks Pool Hall' I'll tell
you that much. We should be
packing the house everyday. I mean
you got the coolest parents in the
world and you just taking shit for
granted. You're my best friend man
so I gotta tell you straight up.
AVA & Miles
In the living room is the king of all couch potatoes Miles
Adolph Monroe who is the 18 year old son of Ava D. Monroe.
His goal is to research everything under the sun that will
be of no use to you ever in life.
Hey Miles...did you find a job
Mom! Thank goodness you're here!
Did you know that a group of crows
are called a "murder"?
As a matter fact I didn't know
that "Einstein"...so did you learn
that at your job interview today?
Interesting...I mean you got your
flock of seagulls, your herd of
cattle, pack of wolves, school of
fish, pod of whale but...
Miles! Turn the tv off or I'll
grab the remote and beat you with
it. Now unless you plan on winning
on "Jeopardy" no one gives a damn
about a covey of quail or a
parliament of owl.
Nice touch mom! That was deep.
Focus Miles! Focus. Is this all
your days consist of? Vegging out
in front of a 60inch flat screen
consuming hours of regurgitated
ass backwards nonsense? Miles, I
can't take it anymore.
Oooh! I got it,,a crash of
Miles, its time for me to clip
your wings and set you free from
this nest of yours. I've thought
about this for a while now. I've
found you an apartment and I'll
even pay a years worth of rent for
you. However no car service and no
more black card. I'll get you a
buspass and train card. You'll
have to get a job and start
budgeting your earnings.
Public transportation? A budget? I
feel dizzy mom.
This is the moment I feared Miles.
You are suffering from affluenza.
And I seem to be putting my foot
down a few allowances and lavish
gifts too late.
Affluenza? Mom I use condoms just
like you told me to. How can I
have got affluenza? My fidgityness
is because of my placebo effect.
Miles, affluenza simply means that
I always kept you somewhat
sheltered and privileged. Now I
think thats given you a false
sense of reality and a disregard
to hard work. But that ends today.
You're moving out son.
Well what does dad have to say
Who do you think recommended your
Oh, I'm sorry. Your placebo.
Farah Dupree passes by the husbands and gives them all a
thirsty stare. Farah Dupree sits down on the one open chair
and positions herself toward the group. She vies for their
attention to no avail.
Vida I love your shoes!
Hello Madolyn, Pillar and Ava. I
see the whole circle is here
Farah what on earth are you
Oh come on now...I hear that
theres a certain clandestine group
of upper class socialites that get
together at a certain mansion from
time to time and just have a frand
The ladies begin to scatter to different sections of the
room like a systematic regiment.
Where's everybody going? Come on!
Vida please I want to join. I
haven't heard back anything yet?
Farah if there was such a
group...and mind you I have no
knowledge as it pertains to this
"circle" but I'd imagine that if
you weren't extended a cordial
invite then you just aren't their
Dutch, Maximillian, Brock, Betram
Dutch Monroe reveals a mini humidor containing some Cuban
cigars for the fellas.
(takes a whiff)
Very good Dutch. These are
Nice touch. I was hoping I didn't
have to drink 5 glasses of that
watered down swill they call
(raises his stogey)
Cheers guys...to arms!
Just don't tell Ava. I've been
sneaking away throughout the days
and nights to enjoy these without
You're lucky. I swear I live with
a CSI expert! I forsee her getting
a sperm sample from me for DNA
analysis. If she just got that
creative in bed?
I know the feeling. I call Ava and
my consummation rate "nil" ...she
gets pissed off but such is life.
Nil? I feel for you. I tried to
initiate something last night and
Vida said she has gas? Gas!?
That is called 'chemical warfare'
Are you saying we're at war with
(exhales a plume
Precisely. Think about it. You
have two opposites engaging...or
oponents. And either side have
their unique stratagem according
to his or hers geographics,
strengths and weaknesses etcetera.
All is fair in love and war
Whoever said that was probably a
(takes a strong
Ha ha ha!!
I mean love is by far the most
unfair of battles. One has to
develop his or her own rules of
engagement. You must know your
opponents thoughts and try to
often times counter their moves.
Are you with me Dutchman?!
Then Niccolo Machiaveli must have
been a chick magnet!
And Tsun Xu a heartbreaker
Ahh but I've yet to talk about
The husbands all laugh
I gotta retreat and re-strategize
cause Madolyn hasn't invaded my
territory in months.
Vida isn't exactly storming my
Ava is in the war room negotiating
a peace treaty.
Pillar considers me hostile
I'm considering therapy guys. If
we don't spark the fire back
soon...well I don't wanna lose
I know what you mean. She can be a
headache but she's my headache.
Pillar is my biggest fan. As much
as I hate these auctions I just
love to see peoples mouth drop
when they see how gorgeous my wife
I agree gentlemen. Our wives are 1
in a million.
Sewing Circle ensemble
Vida Roper, a 40 something stunning, poised and polished
elite, upscale New York socialite entertains a weekly group
of a who's who of bourgeois culture. Vida is posing for her
circle of friends in a never before seen lingerie number
that has them in an uproar of envious shrills and gasps.
Vida does a semi twirl around and sits down heavy from the
Oh, you debutants are just so
flattering…do you really like it?
The sales clerk said it made me
look appetizing. My stars ladies
he looked like he lived at the
gym. His arms felt like I was
holding a log of firewood!
We hear broad steps approaching from upstairs. It's Brock
Roper, Vida's husband. He's a Wall Street big wig. A golden
boy whose born unto money and has always gotten what he
wants. He exits the home purposely ignoring his wifes social
group. The women don't mind one bit.
Too-ta-loo my love
Brock closes the door behind him mumbling various
Joe Beth Macintock aka Jo Jo is the youngest of the group.
She's in her mid 20's and has been a member of the elite
club for a year now.
Ava Monroe is the heir to a large textile company. She's a
mid-forties knockout of a woman. She holds a wine glass with
Did he even notice my particularly
Madolyn Bacall is a mid forties beautiful chief of staff at
a major New York Trauma Center. She's all about the money
and treats patients as just another bed statistic.
Darling...Roy Orbinson could see
those twins of yours
Pillar Gardner is a self made millionaire who capitalized on
the dot-com boom with her online sales of her Greek driven
(Prim and proper)
My glass seems to be in need of
refilling my darlings
Vida our hostess obliges Pillar with a genorous refill
Oh, Brock is just a bit worked up
over a new client of his. No
matter. I'm going to surprise him
with a bleach-blond wig I just
And if that doesn't work. I'll
just add a bleach-blond bimbo to
Oh, you Harlequin
Vida raises her wine glass like an olympic torch
Guilty as charged. Conversation,
like certain portions of the
anatomy, always runs more smoothly
when lubricated." Or in my case
(clears her throat)
Shall we commence the circle of
The ladies begin to snicker uncontrollably